clay

These few days, been sleeping late and my body growing weaker as result. There're many things to be done and been struggling to keep up with the time.

One thing I learnt in midst of these very trying times.

1. God is good. He knows my limits, and He makes sure everything allright at the end

It's only when i let go of my own rights, to obey Him on what He says (though they don't make sense or seems good for me), yet He's faithful to His words.

It's still very tiring days ahead. But i'm sure that He'll see me through. As the Psalmist puts it, when many the cares of my heart, your consolations cheer my soul. So God does not let me go even at my most trying circumtances

clay

Lately i've found new things to enjoy...to watch the animal planet

In the past i did not pay much attention to this animal world, but lately i began to appreciate the beauty and wisdom of God in this area ... how wonderful indeed And i can see animal so closely through TV ..hehe...

This evening, the program particularly interest me because about the mother eagle (was searching abt it yesterday but couldn't find anything helpful even in google). It struck me ... to see...how those powerful claws to kill and strong hooked beak to eat meat now turned to protect and care for the baby eagles. ... The same as i watched how tiger and crocodile mothers use their sharp teeth in handling their young ones. The same part that once used for attack and killing .... on another time used to protect and care... Such was the mother's instinct.

And was amazed how mothers brought up their youngs ... they know the timing, the methods ... when to feed and when to let them become independent. Teaching them step by step, showing them and then leave them to perfect their skills to survive and live on their own.

I'm just amazed how God design these animals ... 

Even as this afternoon looking at newborn baby So small and tiny

There's beauty in birth & life ... certainly i think because it's one of God's attribute and divine image. Creation & Life ... both His very first work.

clay

Yesterday i slept abt 3.30 am, to finish sorting out the photos for the wedding. Then again this morning, i woke up still feeling did not have enough sleep...

The feeling is bad ... 

And i read article on how a new father struggle to go through life ... waking up in the middle of night (daily) to change diaper and put to sleep the new baby ... I felt much comforted ... at least it's not uncommon to have this feeling. Trying to cope with the day ...

clay

Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. ...

... But he would feed you with the finest of the wheat,

   and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you." (Ps 81 : 10b, 16)

Indeed, true fun and satisfaction is only found in God alone.

While the world is screaming louder for more entertainments,

and human are buying more into the industry.

Xbox 360 newer version next year will be able to detect humans movement

It's the longing of every human's heart, to have fun.

But today God is teaching me, as a father telling his boy...

If u really want to have fun, listen to me.

For true fun is not found in entertainment ...

our own definition of happiness and enjoyment ... which often times very far from his idea

but true fun, only for those who listens to Him ...

as He promised, the finest, the sweetest, (which only He can give) he will fill us with. 

clay

Without i realised, i've become so engrossed with doing, that everything become tasks to be done. And only yesterday, when i've nothing more to do, sitting there....i felt so akward and restless. Then i realise, what the doings has done to me...i becoming more tense and losing ability to simply enjoy things. Though i can still enjoy things around me, yet they are no longer simple enjoyment....but tasking...like i'm putting it as a task to enjoy....while true enjoyment simply comes naturally without need of any external pressure / force.

Today i thought doing things slower, and enjoying the passing moments. It's tough...as i've been so accustomed to always doing and thinking for the past few months. O Lord, help me to get back the simple i am, who can relax and simply enjoy letting out this soul in songs.

clay

This morning i began the day with pondering upon Ps 90. And for the first time i see it as prayer. Hehe....so long i saw it just like any other Psalms. But this morning i read the first line, it's a prayer...and i then understand few things which does not make sense initially.

As something i've been struggling for the past few days, about stress & peace ... balancing time. And part of the answer was found there ... God who is from everlasting to everlasting, the creator of time Then as i was taking my morning shower, the song "Be Still" by Hillsong kept coming to me. For i love the reff: "Father you are king... and I'll be still know You are God".

Indeed i'm reminded, God my Father is King. And knowing that...can be still.

clay

This morning as we're doing our devotion, this thing came to mind. How life of David and Saul such a big contrast.

At the end of 1 Samuel, Saul is pictured as a man who lost his strength

"Then Saul fell at once full length on the ground, filled with fear because of the words of Samuel. And there was no strength in him, for he had eaten nothing all day and all night." ~ 1 Sam 28 : 20 ~

... And insted recovering back his strength ... he lost it further, at point of return when he seek a medium which lead to his death at the end of 1 Samuel. 

David on the other hand, also lost his strength, in tragedy to find that his wives were kidnapped upon arriving home. And his entire town was burned with fire. 

"Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep." ~ 1 Sam 30 : 4 ~

However, a very short verse describe the turning point for David, and the entire course..

"But David found strength in the LORD his God." ~ 1 Sam 30 : 6b ~

David found strength in the LORD, his God. I think that's the biggest lesson i learnt from all the dramas. One man seek strength by his own, and he never gain it back. The other man lost his strength and seek his God, and he found it there. It's so comforting to know that God alone is enough. Situation can be very bad (like this man David, he lost everything, even his people wanting to stone him ... ), yet somehow, unknown to human mind, God is able to give strength greater than the situation, to turn around the situation to victory. It's not David's greatness or cleverness or abilities ... but the LORD who gives strength. Seek Him.

clay

Today, i made a new discovery about God.

And it's just a very very small progress (if can be called a progress)....

But i simply thankful, that i know Him little bit better

It's certainly left a deep impression on me, the phrase repeated in Exodus...."that you may know that I am the LORD your God". How much I don't know .. and how little I know ... that He is my God

clay

It's a unique one afternoon. After praying, I was compelled to follow this man in blue. I didn't respond immediately, and continue praying, thought this guy maybe some pastors who must have gone to restricted area that i can't follow. Then I noticed that now the man is walking towards me (his face was normal, nothing special or particular about this man). Yet i didn't move still, I was continuing to memorize what i just read then. So i just observed the man going to the back of the room, looking at large stack of old books....

Hence about time to go off, and I'm still puzzling whether I should just leave or give a second look to see what that earlier feeling nudge me about following this man. My curiosity won over me, so i went to the back, the man was no longer there...hmm, i thought maybe what the voice wanted me to look at the pile of old books? Like some secrets there? hehe....then again i remembered clearly, it's following the man, not the place he went or things he touched or things interests him.

So, i followed him (after distracted by an engraved dedicated to a man who had served for over 30 years, died at age 74, actually more for camoflauge that i didn't want to be seen too obvious following him)...braving myself to get out the place from the gate that is locked normally in these hours. What a rare chance i thought that I could go through that gate on this hour...maybe the man will scold me and ask me to go out from another entry? Yet he was too busy opening another small door, which will lead to the "high" place which i always wanted to go and see. 

Then this thought came to me, now i know who is this man. Apparently he's the one holding keys to the rooms. And following him will give me access to those rooms i can't go in by myself. It's the same thing with following God. He's holding all keys and only He has access to all doors and rooms. If i follow him, basically, i will have access to otherwise nobody can enter....So easy to be caught up with activities and things of interest, but if i want to have access, there's only one way...to follow him closely. Wherever he goes, the doors will be opened.