Surprise after surprise came this year. Or is it because i'm more aware of 'kairos' or 'divine appointment'. Just a little bit of this. Some people believe strongly on this, that they go in life anxiously looking at it...and another group believe so generally that everything is kairos. I more agree with the first group, though i don't go around purposely looking for it. But i believe there're specific time, for specific person, to do specific task...and only available or given for that moment for that person. One is free to choose to take or to let go.

Surprisingly, those 'kairos' have one similarities....they're like 2nd chance for me. I don't know what to say, but in my heart, i'm truly grateful for those 2nd chances. I belive everyone will feel the same. Especially if we screw up or fail miserably on our 1st chance, and regretted the decision we made. And now given another chance to make things right again.

I do really thank God for allowing me to 'redeem' myself from the past. To overcome my fears. It's quite dreadful to try the same thing again that you failed before. You will hope with much hope that it will not fail again the 2nd time.

At least there're 2 events coming.....one is work related....my boss already told me i'll in charge for India's projects.....hahaha...i don't really like doing their projects...and had told this many times to my boss. However deep inside, i kind want to see the land where people i respect went before....like Amy Charmichael, Mother Theresa, and William Carey.

The second is my cousin's wedding next week. I think this will be the 4th time i'm asked to be bestman. So previously it's always the timing didn't meet my timing. And hope this round will really happen

So yah...will see if this year going to be 2nd chance year for me . Or perhaps xth chance....after failing so many times. :p

It's been a quite busy period for me. At least everyday i've something to do which is not my own business. I can't understand how one's life can be filled up so quickly from Sunday to Sunday. I've tried my best to reserve some space for my personal time....yet there're things in life which can't wait.

Anyway, this year i try to put others first before me. So i got little bit of a taste on that. Got a short time to reflect on my busy schedule and also the term 'kairos' or 'divine appointment'.

What's the difference if i say 'yes' and 'no'? Besides adding one more business into my life. I think both people made their choices. The person who said 'no' and doesn't do anything....actually has chosen to do 'nothing'. It's not that one can be freed from responsibility when one decided has nothing to do with certain things. For in that decision, one has decided to do...'nothing'.

The title is a bit misleading, 
nevertheless it's true in certain sense, 
been thinking much about life recently,

the shortness of it,
the meaning of it, 
the temporal of it,
and the vastness of it
It's short, yes, but it's full of meaning.     
It's temporal, yes, yet exceedingly great.
For one life could touch many lives.     
And some last for eternity.
Who am I?
Some tell me to be sober,
to remember our humanness.
Some tell me to trust myself, aim for big things.
Who am I? If you know, please tell me.      

I saw the starry nite again.                       
It's always sobering to look up to heaven.
Remembering my dreams.
And believing in what's been there inside.
Who am I?     

I smile inside.                                               
For the words of the old master found me.
Who am I? I'm thine. And thou knowest best. =)
All my dreams.
All my hopes.
All my fears.
All I am belong.
Everthing within me.
I am thine.
And thou knowst me best.

It's often heard and said that God is no man's debtor. Recently i started to question that.....haha....how fragile and weak is me. But God is always gracious and compassionate.

This morning boss called me, and handed me letter. A pay increase, much more than what i expected. So much more. To the figure that i prayed....good if i could earn that much.....that i can continue to give and at same time....saving enough. And God has heard my prayer. He gives and adds no struggle to it.

Perhaps Jesus' voice to his disciples i heard again..."O you of little faith ..." Haha....yah....thank you Lord. I bow my head and confess, indeed You're no man's debtor. Engrave in my heart, and never to depart. Burn it deep, O fire of God.

Friday
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Arrived in Jkt airport on at nite. It's raining heavily, and there're few shocks while on the air...some people including myself bit scared if anything happened. But regain myself and yah...anything happened i'm ready hehe...thank God, met mum, ate supper...and few hours of sleep

Saturday
------------
The full day from morning till night. My first time doing bestman. And grateful to watch those moments which i've no chance to watch as a mere guest. Haha...my cousin is really a kind of person. My first time saw the bridegroom cried in his wedding day... wat sentimental guy u

Sunday
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Flied back to sg. This time more peaceful and yah...with good memories. Thank God for the chance to meet my mum, my grandma, and my cousin ... The wedding was grand for my experience. And afterall it's a big occasion and joyful event... Hahaha.....kinda waiting for my turn...let the Lord lead

Left home earlier this morning. Hearing the birds singing.....  And i tried to imagine what are those sounds about.

Bird A: "Hey look, i'm the most handsome bird. Look at me"
Bird B: "What the heck?? Your color is so ugly.
Bird C: "Your voice can't make it lah.
etc, etc.....

I was smiling....what are those birds discussing? Whether they understand each other? They're of different races and produces different voices....and yet seems they're talking to one another.....)

I wondser how many languages are there in this planet earth? With the thousands of species...each with their own languages. And we thought as human to speak 5 languages as wonderful, 17 as unbelievable.

Simply marvel at God's creation. And this song came to my mind. By Don Moen, title "Think about His Love"

How can i forget your mercy?
How can i forget His love?
He satisfies.
He satisfies.

Often time i forget....the reason is simple

The first words go like:

Think about His love. Think about His goodness.
Think about His grace that brought us through.
For as high as the heaven above.
So great is the measure of our Father's love.
Great is the measure of our Father's love.

Simply because i forget to think about His love.

So yah....when this morning a driver didn't drive his car properly, i told myself...remember the birdie song. When the uncle who sells bihun is not cheerful, remember the birdie song.... Remember the birdie's song God loves u. And His love is great.

Hehe...is it a good result huh?

You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Been interrupted with sickness and weak bodies. Suddenly on Monday nite after work i got fever... Thank God once again i could experience being sick. Haven't fallen really sick for quite long time. And through that short experience i remember again the feeling of being immobile, weak, wanting, pain, and simply unable to do a single thing, just lying there on a bed...  I wanted to know how do people suffer in their high fever, waiting for medication and some relief to come, or any comfort to ease their pain. So thank God for the experience.

Took a day off from work. Came back to work on Wednesday, where everything just were waiting for my comeback. There're new responsibility to manage a project, an urgent project that depends on me (even hold my current project because it's urgency), and emails that simply bruised my feeling.

Thursday more or less the same. The meetings with different group of people, and the recurring of my sickness, unable to meet with ppl i wanted to meet bcs fear of another elapse........i wished could simply be a normal person.without holding so many responsibilities......and reminded....to bring everything, everything to God in prayer.

Friday, spent a long day at work, and still bring work home for i can't finish it. There're many issues at work. Nevertheless thank God for some clear up in relationship. Certainly it worth the effort and time to have a good relationship. I do treasure my faith.

Still got pile of things to do.....Lord help me.

"BTGOG, I am what I am" an often quoted sentence as encouragement and thanksgiving to God, that I am what I am today, and all is because the Grace of God.

I think it's also true to say that "BTGOG, I am not what I am not", that it only takes the Grace of God, that I am not what I am not. I could be in worse state, or worse, but not, because the grace of God.

Some people would say that you can't say that because it's just a positive thinking, there's no proof of that. No proof that the grace of God protects me from being worse than I am now. It's more difficult to be able to say than what the first sentence says. For the first could based what's now to support the statement BTGOG.

It's here the limit of this world's wisdom. That it demands for proof for anything to be true. And something without proof, were just a mere empty words or something of no value. Remind me of this week lesson for the children:

Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. ~1 Cor 1 : 22-24~

The wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. The world in its wisdom is unable to find God, nor can it prove God, and what He has done through Jesus Christ. The crucified Jesus as the wisdom and power of God to save, was and remain the stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles.

Hmm, better to stop here, coz can go for very longgggggggggg.............

Just feeling thankful, for tthe grace of God that keeps me as I am, and holding me still, that I am not what I am not. Else, i know the man deep inside, and surely I won't be what I am today. All glory to God.

This morning is not my turn again to be late for the bus. It's somebody's else turn. As i saw her running and waving her hand for the bus to stop, i was just sitting there and hoping the driver would wait for her.

Feeling really lousy that i didn't stop the bus driver. Ask him to wait awhile for her to get the bus. Deeper, i've not shown mercy to her       "Be merciful, for your Father is merciful."