I think 2 years back a friend helped me to buy a voice recorder device. Initially following a senior preacher advice to practice using a recorder. It works really well. So i can give the same advice...for anyone who's serious with public speaking or speaking in front of public, it's very helpful tool..a voice recorder :D

few weeks back i just use the voice recorder to record my singing...Haha...yah to listen to my own lousy voice, when nobody is around lest they run away....

When i play back the songs, one particular song caught me. Title: "You are my hiding place." It goes like this:

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance
Whenever i'm afraid
I will trust in you

The words reminds me of the life's reality. Though i'm living a very comfortable life here, however it's true that some other parts of the world, some people live a very dramatic and painful life. I remember especially those people lived during the World War II, inside the concentration camp. In fact Corrie T. Boom once published book title "My Hiding Place".

I think be it in full suffering, of little suffering, or even no suffering life, the truthfulness of God's Word remains. It's the source of strength for the fearful and weary...as well as the source of comfort for those who lives a peaceful live. For no matter what, life is beyond our control. Unless we make God our hiding place, we'll be caught off-guard when suffering comes. Instead of singing through the suffering, we'll be murmuring. And how beautiful the last lines......"whenever I'm afraid, I will trust in You". I will trust in You.

"Only he who knows the suffering of Jesus will dare to pay for the price" - The one sentence i remember from yesterday Good Friday service by Pdt Stephen Tong.

Paying the price...what price? The price of discipleship. I heard my housemate once talks, to be a Christian costs nothing, to be a disciple of Jesus costs everything.

Why do some people more serious than the others?
Why do some give more than others?
Why some more willing to suffer than others?
Why some serve much more than others?
Because they know more how much Jesus suffered for them. Those who loved more will love more and those who loved little will love little.

In the world where suffering is avoided, and pleasure is seek at almost all cost. In the world where prestige is highly esteemed and hard labor considered low. The follower of Jesus is considered foolish for the self-renunciation and seemingly deprived life. Why do people choose life that deny pleasures when people seek comfort and pay high price for it? But the command is clear - deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow me.


At my struggles and pleas for the heavy burden,
I cry "Lord help"
At my grumbling and stress over the thigns i've to carry
I cry "Lord help"
I forget that He bore it all
He bore it all on Calvary's tree
He bore all our sins
and the wrath of God
and He cried "Father forgive"

To much given, much will be asked
To those entrusted much, much will be required
He bore it all on Calvary's tree
I do Lord as You please

April's Fool Day didn't fall on the 1st for me. It fell yesterday. Thot just testing some new skills and movements and yah...the thing abt trying out...the joy of seeing that what we think is correct. Ended up i played for abt 3.5 hours....breaking my record to play game in a single day

Was really making a fool of myself...
And yah....the issue was more than simply playing games...indeed deep down there're many things going on my mind..haha as per normal....the overloaded, messiah syndrome, boredom, questionable friendships, immaturity in some sense, and many others....

Till this morning reading the passage from Luke, that i'm glad it came new to me, when Jesus told the crowd that they can't be his disciple unless they renounce everything they had....... The thing abt possession that it robs our soul and heart...for where our treasure is there our heart...And it's said of Abraham after he passsed the test of giving out Isaac....that Abraham has everything, but he possessed nothing.

The next lines, Jesus says that salt that has lost its saltines is no longer useful (free translation)...reminded me of the same analogy in John, when he talks about : "I'm the vine and u're the branch, unless u abide in me, you can not bear fruits" (again free translation). The similarity is the relationship. For both the branch and salt, will lose it's purpose and identity when they're detached from the one that gives them meaning.

So i repented, and claimed His promise on grace and forgiveness. And as i walked to work as usual, saw on my left side, a rose tree (i think), that's tied to the big tree next to her. Otherwise the rose tree will fell sideways because it grew too tall and lack of support. So the owner tied it to the tree next to her.

There i smiled and thank God for His grace. The grace that has never left me. Always ready to embrace me whenever i approach. And simply glad for who He is; a faithful God. Despite the busy & noisy morning road, there i thank God and praise Him...His grace is surely sufficient, and all that i need. It's not my strength, nor it's my commitment and resoluteness of heart, nor it's my strong-will and maturity, or even obedience on my part. Nothing at all. But all His grace once again. That i put my faith in Him. My Lord and Master.

Just wanna to add a short entry

Reading a study book on handling stress, and there it talks about clay =)
I never know that a Potter hasn't finished his job when a blob of clay becomes a beautiful vase.
No he hasn't finished yet...

The last process is tha baking of that jar of clay.
And not only once, but several times.
I thought as the process of purification or refining of gold/silver.
But it's not the same for the case of clay,

The going through the fire is to preserve the clay.
That it'll not marred with age.
But able to stand the test of time.
In other word, to make the beauty last.
The work of the Potter makes the clay beautiful
The work of the fire to make that beauty last =)

Finally i reached the end of this week. Feeling exhausted and needed a break. At the end it's my body that gave the final word...
It's this kind of feeling when i took a sudden break. Some people were hurt when i said 'No' ... and others were glad when i said 'Ýes'. How about myself?

This morning i read from Proverbs 21:2-3:
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the heart.
To do righteousness and justice
is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.

I could always rationalize my own decisions. I could always justify my actions. I can always have reasons for what I'm doing. And it's right what the proverb says: Every way of a man is right in his own eyes. For when i rationalize, justify, reasons myself...i'm always right. But the LORD weighs the heart. It comes like a thunderbolt....at the end it's not about what i think is right, rather what's in my heart. It's very easy to fall into the deceitfulness of the heart. If i know how dark and deceitful my own heart could be .... good things could come up from self-seeking, self-glorification, self-idolization, and self-importance.......
So i let God checked my heart....and not puffed up with all those self-promoting. Let He weigh my heart, and found to be true.

The next verse:
To do righteousness and justice
is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. It equally shocked me...for i'm too eager to do "christian" things and consider those as sacrifice (time, money, energy, thought, and self)....yet to God, to do what's right and just is more acceptable. Of course with the right heart in the first place.

So, those 2 verses provided the break for me. I dare not to go on with my own presumptions and perhaps deceit by own heart. And i found today to be a new day. I learned to say no to myself, to things i love, and to people i hardly say no. And in return, God gave me back the perspectives how busy life could be. For one week i hardly had time with my housemates, hardly know how they're doing....and if i go on with my saturday routine....there will never time for people closests to you.

Seems, behind the scene, still God worked through my weak body and stop me to ponder of one's essence of life. It doesn't consist in the wealth (even of activities and sacrifices), but to be right before Him, and found acceptable.

Have ye a good break!

Thank God for the working through differences with different people. Personally i don't quite like differences, especially to talk about it. However the matters need to be addressed that both parties have same understanding and fairness.

Thank God for the love within, to persevere in the process. Of talking and communicating. Thankful for the people's understanding and mutual agreement.

Love always perseveres ... help me Lord.

ps. just afterthought that maybe one day i could come and approach anyone and sit down with a line "can we talk abt our differences?" - easily and comfortably

It's quite "funny", that God always has something whenever i'm about to give up. I remember 4 years back, when I did very bad on my first attempt to talk in front of children. Everyone agreed that it's bad. Nevertheless, one leader stood up and brought up that on that day, one child accepted Jesus as Savior. So the journey started.

A year later, on my last talk that commented as morbid because talking about death. I felt again the discouragement. And yet, on that day, one of most difficult boy asked his teacher how he could escape hell. And God tremendeously encouraged everyone again, especially me.

And last year, no gospel being proclaimed because the passages i was speaking. And there's nothing happened as dramatic the first 2 years. However, I made something a big hand that lasted in the children memories so deep. And i'm glad to be remembered that way. Some dared to approach me and tell me how happy they are. I'm encouraged again.

So this morning, my fourth year of giving talk to children. Last 2 weeks, i thought i did ok, while the response i received was bad. The children didn't get the main message. While preparing for today, i got a lot of disapproval and discouragement. And worst, when i came to stage this morning my mind was gone. I was half-prepared to talk. And in the mid of my talk, i thought i was going mindlessly. When i asked my class, they seem didn't understand what i told in the big group. So during the evaluation, i spoke first to say that i think i did a very bad job. I think no children understood
To my surprise, the rest thought otherwise. Their feedback the talk was good and clear. Their classes could understand the point. To my surprise and deep consolation.

Surely God knows how to encourage me. He did at the right time when i need it most. Thank You Lord. And yah there're other small things, He made all and deep inside i feel God is so good to me.