clay

When one day I'd look back

I'm sure I would say

Everything was right

Though it was very painful

And with honesty, bitter

So much so that I'd like to run away

Or wish it never had happened

Yet I know

And believe with all my heart

That God have meant it for good

Nothing happens by accident

And He must have taken care this also.

So when I'd look back

I would praise Him

And my mouth would burst out with songs

That He makes all things right

All things, I believe

With all my being

Hallowed be thy name.

clay

This afternoon, when i returned back to my dorm (after the long hours of listening to a speaker and cleaning duty), i found out a miss call from J. Wondering what it might be, so i called him back....and he told me about the part time job i've been praying about.

In short, the part time job is confirmed...faster and earlier than i thought. So fast and quick that I almost didn't believe it. For months i've prayed for this, and no results coming in thus far. Even when i've set a deadline that if the job won't come by end this month...that's it. What a foolheaded i am.

So it's confirmed (the length of hours, number of days, and exact to the payslip that i needed). Only thing is the amount not so big (smaller than expected). Nevertheless, it's something marvelous in my eyes...(couldn't believe it still). That at blink of eyes, my whole situation was changed. From a down and hopeless and helpless guy....to a magnificent state of thanksgiving and praise

For indeed again the Lord proves Himself faithful. That His help comes at the right time. The time when all human hopes have long gone. Time when we just about to throw the towel. And call it a day. O what a perfect timing. His answer was perfect...perfect. Longer little bit....we might have make wrong decision. Or sooner, than we might take it for granted, instead attribute this solely for His grace...and so to God be all glory.

So great are His ways. Right are His judgment. And kind are His works. O...what others could only say, the Lord provides....i say boldly...indeed, He provides.

clay

Hehe this morning another beautiful day for me. It was during the chapel hour, instead of the usual listening to a speaker, this morning we're allowed some time of sharing in twos. It started around the ethical issues and the almost impossibility to bring sg's standard to ind's situation. Both of us were smiling...then because the news of one's engagement, J asked me...so the converstation went along.

I really thank God for this morning. I wonder, if it's due to my slowness or lack of faith that he's to speak again in this way. For though i thought i had understood it, yet actually i haven't understood it as i should. For J's life testimony opened my eyes. His situation is more or less similar to mine. And all my questions seemed answered by him...in his own life.

The God whom we trust...he married and knowing didn't have enough...he came here to study. With all the struggles of financial issues...yet each time, the Lord provided (different ways, different people). One year later, his wife was pregnant...and his world crumbled. I can understand it...tears run down. Yet, the Lord provided....miraculously....through unknown couple, due to flight delay, and just talking about SLR camera....not of financial difficulties whatsoever .  This year, he received news that his wife pregnant again!!!. NOt knowing where to turn to...somehow, the couple gave him cheque with amount double than last year!! Unbelievable, yet true. And when the school gave news that they'll stop his scholarship.....again the world crumbled. And in few weeks time, another couple donor some money to the school....that the scholarship could be given again....

As i listened to his story....oh i know. I know the truth. However, this heart is so heavy. Heavy for the fear of what's ahead. It's very very gripping and low when cash is running out...with no more money left...and the demands to be met. How am i going to face tomorrow? It's not that i've never experienced it. But because i've gone through it few times that right now i'm scared to face that in future anymore.

It's true that God provides. He does. Always. But, whether we take it? It may means to let go our securities (things which we cling to or turn to). And the motto that i hold 11 years ago, when i first left home alone and without anything is ringing again. God is enough.

clay

I just read one of my best friends' blog and felt encouraged

Thank you friend . As i'm writing this, my mind wonder what this year may bring. Certainly the year has started and just started. However there're already many things and challenges on the way.

Looking for job, writing the materials & programs for tafel, thinking to come up with my newsletter, catching up with my studies (when all the other students has gone far in studying mode, i'm still settling down and planning), and last but not least....loving this lil' lady the Lord has brought into my life.

For this last thing, today even i learn a very important lesson, on the power of love. Just discussing with my roommate, if possible one marry another person from different country, race, and culture? And our conclusion it's possible. Only by love. And such is the power of love. To break across any barriers. Indeed it's like a miracle, to overcome anything...any barriers. The power of love. And even in my own flesh, i begin to feel it. The power stronger than my own will. To do things i would have never done. Hence, it's a gift from God. Wonderful gift. That it could enable us to do wonders on this earth.

clay

Really thank God for this wonderful week

Began with pen2x birthday. Really thank God for the wonderful weather, and also wonderful day we had... passing through broad & easy road, narrow path, uphill, downhill, wet soils, even the winding road and uneven grounds... Thank the Lord for good health for both of us and the pure enjoyment of nature and each other...)

Then the week started with more serious works awaiting for me. And thank the Lord that all was passed through. There're so countless "successes", and thank the Lord for keeping me alive and in good health.

Tomorrow another busy day. And there're still plenty of things to be done. One thing I learn this week....to have a thankful heart and rejoicing spirit. Despite the works and tiredness... For He has done great things in me.

clay

Just found it a time to record this down.

The goodness of the Lord really the theme of our songs.

For it was just at that split minutes, he changed our situation from desperation to exaltation

Beginning of this year, i'm facing confusion...and as the days went, more confused.....

And then the day came when i had to make a tough decision.....and it was really tough.....

The consequences were so hard.....again life became uncertain

And the uncertainties increased till i felt almost at lost

Here we plan for something big in short times....and we haven't even laid the first stone

Despite much prayer and committing to the Lord,

There're still humanly fear in my heart....the whole responsibilities and futures seemed laid on me....and i know it's beyond me now.

I simply do not have anything to achieve it.....and if the last thing i prayed and hoped for didn't work out.....i've nowhere else to run.

So again, the only one door which only God has access...

And 2 days ago, he opened that door...

There are still a lot of fears and uncertainties...

Yet i'm very thankful, knowing he did lead us each step...and he'll always be there along the way.