This week felt really long for me. The days are so heavy...and today still thursday. Despite the more certain & concrete future now, the tasks are really overwhelming. I'm feeling really out of place...and do not know if this time i could get out of it. For now that i have just done very small portion of work, and the feeling is already killing me. I wonder if i've the energy to finish this.....

Yet, i see God's hands in many ways and areas of my life. It keeps me wonder, if He really is seeing me through all these things. For each day, there're always songs of praise, deliverances, act of kindness, grace, and helps abound in my life. That even my roommates notice them. Hey....God is working and active in your life man!!

The more i look around of myself, the more i'm convinced that He's kept me thus far. His grace comes at right timing. People's respond simply keep me going. And there're times when i feel so tired that i just wanted to throw the towel up.

This morning, i settled the school administration matters. And regarding payments, D is helping me alot to sort it out for me. That at moment i could let the matters alone. Two other lecturers i have spoken too, and we're still friends. Only one person that i think i might have offended. Helps come at right timing also....honeymoon package, wedding plannings, ....

I'm just wondering.....when i look back......how much God has brought me through all these things.....I want to tabulate all that he's done. Each little things how he's helping me through. That at the end i could say....EbenHaezer!

And certainly....looking at jars of clay. He entrusted such treasure to people like me. How much precious...and loving is He.

Tonite i simply glad, when my pen2x told me how much she respect & admire me

And most importantly, she told me that my love for her is growing.

I didn't realize it, till she told me.

And i'm surprised myself...that love can grow

Honestly, i'm thankful...now that i know this wonderful truth.

And i pray that my love would grow continually.

For i just experiencing its power.......

No matter the tiredness, burden, responsibilities, complains....or no matter what.....it simply energizes me....and empowering me somehow....despite any circumtances....to take action. (right one of course)

Now i begin to understand....greatest power on earth....is love.

Thank u dear...who taught me abt love

Tonite it's quite special.

I saw many people celebrated the Valentine's day by wearing pinks.

Youngters receiving and giving out flowers.

And newspaper featuring out couples.

..., people were asking me where's pen2x...

So i sat down, ate my dinner, and reading about marriage magazine, alone...

 

It's not very satisfying still.

Something is missing.

So i went up to the roof...where i normally enjoy the scenary from the top.

The far greens...and the twinkling stars above my head.

I do always enjoy the atmosphere of open big nite sky.

Reminding me of my childhood held in my grandma's arm....seeing up to the black sky.

 

And i found there round table, with some chairs...quite comfortable setting and feelings.

Without realizing, i open my mouth in prayer and songs....

And it keeps going for some times

The song keeps on rolling...as if there's always song in my lips to sing....i dunno if i could sing that well

Till i realize, the important lesson that God wanted me to learn.

 

We live today in such hedonous society.

Everything looks so good and perfect.

That we didn't thing anything could be wrong.

For when everything seems working smoothly and rationally so right.

Who would question if something is wrong somewhere? Unless a freak panicky person?

 

Yet inwardly i know what He's pointing at me.

The adulterous and self-centered spirit.

That the whole things evolved around me.

Myself, my world, my empire, my needs, my wants, my goals, my dreams, my plans, ....

That what i'm doing is just to keep the world running.

That any disturbtion or failure or delayed thing, would be a disaster and intolerable irritation.

That God has to answer and solve it immediately. Get rid of it completely and totally.

Perhaps to that degree of extreme.

 

To that i realized, how foolish i was.

I began this journey of faith with Him.

I must continue this journey with Him.

And the most important person is sitting in front of me.

Demands my utmost love and devotion.

That everything else on earth fail in comparison.

Including pen2x.

 

For it's true what the song says,

Nothing i desire compares with You.

He's more precious than silver

More costly than gold

And more beautiful than diamonds.

Nothing else matter

That if He demands anything of me

Right there, that I should give

No compromise, no bargain, no question.

Ultimate.

 

Hence one thing I learn.

As tonite I spend without her.

That i might spend it with her.

For this thing I write in my heart.

He's the first person.

In our relationship.

And in our marriage.

 

On Christ the solid rock I stand.

All other grounds are sinking sand.

When all earthly things give ways.

In Him i might be found.

For man are like grass.

And his days are but few.

But the word of the Lord stands forever.

One big thing today, just told abe of my upcoming wedding day.

His answer: "I will be there."

 

Thank u soo muach